I feel a movement in my life. Everyone has been crashing down on my shores, eroding away all the motivation, compassion and happiness I built up. Enough. Deal with the fact that I get what I want, I do what I want, and make no excuse for it. My decisions: good, bad or ugly, are mine. I enjoy the fuck ups, I enjoy the let downs, I enjoy the misery because it is mine. And when the happiness comes, when the sunlight is so damn bright you could never hope to see the stars, when laughter is the only thing coming from my lips, it will be mine, and only mine. Don’t destroy happiness in others, instead encourage them to harness the freedom that comes with fucking up, and living their lives without consequence. Because, we all know that every action has a consequence. Burning out some ones light will not make your own brighter. Remember that.
With nothing but bad intentions and a heavy heart, I’ll follow you into the dark. Slowly I’ll seek your face knowing it’s not the rising of cheek bones and swollen lips I want to feel. But rapidly you become air, you become necessary to remain. It’s electric but the circuit has a short, and it’s bound to blow soon. Lasting the night is all we can hope for, that the spark will run bright and full circle for you, for me. Of course it does, and with a combustion reaction we’re both brought back to reality. We are not electricity chasing one another in a wire. You are not necessary for me to live or vital to making it through the morning. But god, your arms feel like the perfect remedy to this hollow feeling and I swear your hold on me is home. Although, I could do this, I could stay with you, I refuse to let you take me into your heart, and why should I? I’ve given you a piece of my soul. The wall makes my conscious feel sleepier but there you are. Like live jumper cables our fingers form a stronger connection and I don’t dare break it. You’re the only power source, once again. My deep breaths ripple off your chest and I sink myself down into you. The weight is released and you choose the perfect playlist to lie in the perfect position. We were made to lay like this, together. But damnnit, I know that’s just another lie on my lips, a convincing one, considering the ease in which we move with each other in mind. Softly, you cradle my head under your chin and I’m swept to sea on an endless amount of bliss. Without conviction, without vindication, I followed you down the rabbit hole. With a pinky promise and a stomach full of courage, I followed you into the dark.
And never stop and soak up all its spare energy, become a whole person and take back the parts of my soul I’ve given to the world.
I want to sweat out all the memories of my head cradled into your neck, and then wash away the grime of it all.
I really want to heal the bruises on my skin, the sore spots in my body, and the hollow feeling in my abdomen.
I want to remove my brain and bleach it, cleanse it from the very idea of not giving a fuck.
I want to remember that nothing can replace what’s already been taken, and that everything comes full circle.
I don’t know and I don’t want to know. I want to keep you away when probably thinking of you will grow along involuntary functions much like stomaching what I cannot taste and breathing what I cannot see. I’m exhausted by the world around you and I only want a world where silence is as necessary as sleep.